The Zen of Driving

It's been a long week since Monday started it with a funeral for my dear friend's father. My commute takes me for a good long drive into Manhattan where I don't leave until late, late at night, but on yesterday's trip in I decided to try something a little different than my usual listening to French Radio (I'm trying to reteach myself the language), Audible's recorded books, or just letting my mind wander on any ol' subject that happens along, which with the attention span of a knat, can span the universe and back; I decided to 'just drive' this trip. In Zen there is the concept of just doing that which you are doing so that when you are eating, you are just eating. It's practicing mindfulness and being in the moment, so when you are driving you're just driving the car, you're not playing the radio, thinking about your ex or the dead bits of poor wee mousie that your cats thought you would like but you didn't, or that your coffee is probably cool enough to drink now.
So I tried just to drive the car.
It was weird as I suddenly realized all the things I have been doing when driving the car besides actually driving the car. Stopping myself when I started thinking about things has always been a challenge as it is for everyone during Zazen or Meditation, but I figured I'd be more involved with the driving so that it would be a tad easier, but driving is almost an auto-pilot thing that it felt more like just sitting in a seat while the car drives it self so very little was different other than movement from regular meditation.
One of the reasons I tried this is that I find myself quite easily irked by other drivers as I am convinced Long Island and New York City is the home of the most selfish of all humans on the face of the Earth - except for maybe LA, but I didn't have to drive in traffic in LA. When I get on the road, I'm always frustrated by the folks who tail gait, cut you off, won't let you in, won't let you merge, etc. I'm often beyond irked and get my panties in a twist about it and I loathe anger and wish to avoid it if at all possible. There are, after all, times when it is appropriate, but I'd like to be in charge of my emotions not victim to them. As it is now, I do what they tell me and when they say 'jump', I ask how high. I am their bitch; it's true. But at 40 something, this has become tiresome and I'd like to just wave goodbye as they sail off into the sunset so I can then get down to the real business of getting my life back; getting healthy, producing art, help others and finding moments of joy again.
I made it the whole way into work working on 'just driving'. I noticed things I'd not seen before on my previous 3,000 other trips on I-495, buildings I'd not seem and details I'd not noticed. Every time I started thinking about something instead of just driving, I'd bring my mind back to the driving and try again. There is no right or wrong with meditation, but a constant practice to be in the now and return to it when you start focusing on the past and the future. Another interesting discovery was that it made me slightly anxious for some reason and that makes me want to examine it further. I am quite fond of the quiet when it is filled with nature, birds, wind, etc. as those things soothe me, but the quiet of the car was very different. I'll have to do it again on my trip in Tuesday so I can pinpoint what it is a little better.
Most people are afraid of the quiet and where their thoughts go, but I think if we face those things we stand a significant chance of freeing ourselves from them. I've been looking into Zen and meditation because often I feel I've had quite a bit stripped away from me ( except round the waist line :-) ) and that I needed a way to be at peace and to accept where I am in order to deal with it or leave it behind for something better. This is a journey towards recovery and learning to be happy with what you have. Making it an adventure makes it more enjoyable as I have tried the 'simply endure it' method and that one clearly sucked. Now if only I could get it to where I battle real monsters and have clear ideas about what to do, etc. like 'take sword, kill big ugly monster that is trying to kill you and live happily ever after or until next monster.' But things are never that black and white outside of Fairy Tales. Even in math where that might be plausible, given quantum theory and space time bending, parallel lines do eventually meet. Doesn't that blow your mind?