A little more rest

I decided that it worth it to stay a little longer on my vacation here in Barbados.  I think it's the first time I've been really able to relax in quite a while.  I even got to finish a whole book (that wasn't recorded) in between seeing a little of Barbados, a couple of trips to the beach and eating some wonderful food. 
As is the case with most people with Fibromyalgia, I found the need to sleep quite a bit the days after I accompanied Linda to the beach.  While being in the water was quite a heavenly experience, the sun does me in. Maybe it's the Lupus/auto-immune thing, but I found it hard not to keep falling asleep the next day despite meds to the contrary. 
Sleeping for most of a day, even when it seems to be necessary often fills me with guilt. Guilt that I am missing out on part of my life and should be fighting it.  It is a very big sign of depression, too so it's hard to know where one stops and the other starts and vice-versa.  There is definitely a trip to see a doctor about having to adjust meds for this situation in my future! 
But, I have enjoyed just being here and away from the world even though I have had some internet connection time.  There is much less envy and resentment in the people here than a lot of places one goes for vacation.  I have noticed that New York is set up very much to bombard you with advertising nonstop and showing you what other people have and what you should have, too if you want to be; happy, in, noticed, successful, etc.  There is little in the way of how to just 'be'; enjoy the simple things, and how to be happy with what you have instead of needing things to make you happy. 
I suppose there is a lot of judgment involved in the New York life.  People stand outside of a club waiting to be picked to go in based on who they are, who they know or what they look like.  I guess I'm a bit too old to waste my time waiting on line in front of a club to be judged as attractive or cool enough or being stylish enough.  I don't choose to have someone have that kind of judgement over me and accept it.  Hating house music or dance music loud enough to pierce ear drums is another factor that discourages me.

I have been reading " The Mozart Effect" a really remarkable effect about the effects of music and vibration on the human body and its potential to help and heal people.  Granted there were bits in there that fell into the hokey category, but there was much more thought provoking and scientific proof than anything that made the eye brows raise. 
Looking back to parts of my life, I realized that some of the happiest times were times when I was singing regularly.  Sure, part of it is breathing, but sound vibration is  a huge factor. 
Everything vibrates. an atom is an is vibrating energy that gives it form and function. It's mostly empty space!  I want to look into some of the workshops and clinics when I return to New York, as no one is more tired of having the sleepin' through life blues than I am! 

I've been reading a lot more about Zen and getting a clearer understanding, but all is mere curiosity if I am not putting it into effect by meditating.  This seems to be a bit of an issue with myself and another family member.  One can talk about something 24 hours a day, but it means nothing if it is never put into action. Potential is lost if it is never acted upon.  One lesson (among many) is to learn to talk less about things and do more.  I wonder how I am going to motivate or challenge myself to do this effectively...

Trying to practice what is preached.

I've been going to church with my dad on Sundays. I'm not particularly a church goer though I have nothing against it in general. It's been a time I get to spend with my dad that is very relaxed as we go for a bite to eat at a diner afterwards. The hardest part of it is getting up to be there for 10:30. I work nights and with exhaustion from Lupus/Fibromyalgia it is a challenge since getting to work is an even bigger one.

People getting together to worship and honor the Maker is a fine idea. When they start getting bogged down with dogma and comparing themselves with others is when I start taking umbrage with it. self-righteous behavior is extremely distasteful with me since we all fall short of the glory which is God. If you start pointing out differences between yourself and others and looking down on them for it, you are no longer 'loving your neighbor as yourself' since you're basically being a judgmental ass instead. Doesn't the good book say to judge not least ye be judged? It might behoove a few church goers in this world to actually read the Bible as a whole book and specifically the words of Jesus before they start pointin' fingers and getting all puffed up about how they're better than another. If they actually read the words of Jesus he specifically speaks out against such behavior and I often have to remind myself of that when I'm being critical of others or shout at another driver to discover his 'fucking turn signals' on his car. I know I have a long way to go.

I've found the messages of Buddhism to have almost the identical messages of Christianity. In fact all the major religions have basically a similar message but with slightly different points of view and a few rules that are specific to themselves but not necessarily the word of God. When all these religions fight, they are fighting over how each perceives the same God. Allah and God are the same thing. It always strikes me as two fleas arguing over what a dog is.

The "Ten Grave Precepts' of Buddhism are as follows

1 Do not kill
2 Do not steal
3 Honor the body - don't misuse sexuality
4 Don't cloud the mind (for example don't walk around drunk or stoned all the time)
5 Do not lie
6 Don't speak ill of others faults or mistakes. Don't gossip
7 Don't elevate yourself and blame others
8 Give generously. Do not be withholding
9 Do not be Angry
10 Do not defile the three treasure: Buddha, Dharma, and the Sanga.

Basically it's very much like the Ten Commandments.

We are all alike more than we know. When we move to find what is alike with someone we will be surprised to see how much there is. Differences aren't as great as we think they are.

While I don't think I'll be joining my father's Church any time soon, but I will enjoy the time I get to spend with him there and after having a bite to eat.