A little more rest

I decided that it worth it to stay a little longer on my vacation here in Barbados.  I think it's the first time I've been really able to relax in quite a while.  I even got to finish a whole book (that wasn't recorded) in between seeing a little of Barbados, a couple of trips to the beach and eating some wonderful food. 
As is the case with most people with Fibromyalgia, I found the need to sleep quite a bit the days after I accompanied Linda to the beach.  While being in the water was quite a heavenly experience, the sun does me in. Maybe it's the Lupus/auto-immune thing, but I found it hard not to keep falling asleep the next day despite meds to the contrary. 
Sleeping for most of a day, even when it seems to be necessary often fills me with guilt. Guilt that I am missing out on part of my life and should be fighting it.  It is a very big sign of depression, too so it's hard to know where one stops and the other starts and vice-versa.  There is definitely a trip to see a doctor about having to adjust meds for this situation in my future! 
But, I have enjoyed just being here and away from the world even though I have had some internet connection time.  There is much less envy and resentment in the people here than a lot of places one goes for vacation.  I have noticed that New York is set up very much to bombard you with advertising nonstop and showing you what other people have and what you should have, too if you want to be; happy, in, noticed, successful, etc.  There is little in the way of how to just 'be'; enjoy the simple things, and how to be happy with what you have instead of needing things to make you happy. 
I suppose there is a lot of judgment involved in the New York life.  People stand outside of a club waiting to be picked to go in based on who they are, who they know or what they look like.  I guess I'm a bit too old to waste my time waiting on line in front of a club to be judged as attractive or cool enough or being stylish enough.  I don't choose to have someone have that kind of judgement over me and accept it.  Hating house music or dance music loud enough to pierce ear drums is another factor that discourages me.

I have been reading " The Mozart Effect" a really remarkable effect about the effects of music and vibration on the human body and its potential to help and heal people.  Granted there were bits in there that fell into the hokey category, but there was much more thought provoking and scientific proof than anything that made the eye brows raise. 
Looking back to parts of my life, I realized that some of the happiest times were times when I was singing regularly.  Sure, part of it is breathing, but sound vibration is  a huge factor. 
Everything vibrates. an atom is an is vibrating energy that gives it form and function. It's mostly empty space!  I want to look into some of the workshops and clinics when I return to New York, as no one is more tired of having the sleepin' through life blues than I am! 

I've been reading a lot more about Zen and getting a clearer understanding, but all is mere curiosity if I am not putting it into effect by meditating.  This seems to be a bit of an issue with myself and another family member.  One can talk about something 24 hours a day, but it means nothing if it is never put into action. Potential is lost if it is never acted upon.  One lesson (among many) is to learn to talk less about things and do more.  I wonder how I am going to motivate or challenge myself to do this effectively...

Gratitude continued.

I started listing things I am grateful for last month and found a sight from a friend http://www.gratitudechallenge.com/ which is a challenge to list daily for 21 days things that you are grateful for and I joined it today.  Being someone who battles with depression I've been told that one of the ways that helps to put a dent into it is to daily remember what it is that you are grateful for before you go to bed or write it down regularly so that you start conditioning yourself to see the good instead of the negative.  I am guilty of being too negative about myself where I would not let someone else say the things to me that I say to myself.  Weird, huh?
Another thing that has been very effectual in giving me insight to those things in my head and my heart has been listening to Mother Night by Clarissa Pinkola Estes.  Which I highly recommend as a way to look at how to look at life and fix the broken parts. She's a wonderful reading voice, too!  http://www.soundstrue.com/authors/Clarissa_Pinkola_Estes/  She also wrote a book called Women Who Run with Wolves which I've yet to read but look forward to greatly. Or you can find her on www.Amazon.com or www.Audible.com 

Pumpkin is quite irritated with me for putting that little bit of anti-flea and tick stuff on the back of his neck. I've to to sneak up on him to do it and then he is convinced I'm trying to kill him instead of making him feel better.  He's now slinking around the house trying to avoid me as I've suddenly turned evil again after being nothing but indulgent to him for 3.5 years.  I love these cats and I guess I 'own' them as much as cats can be owned, but compared to my Simpkin I had for 18 years, damn they are dumb!  But lord knows they are very good hunters!  I've got to give them that!
Happy Thanksgiving!  I've got to make marinade tomorrow and inject 4 Turkeys to deep fry tomorrow!