Sunrise on a new day.

After a quite a few days in bed not feeling well and sort of depressed I couldn't sleep last night but was rewarded with the most beautiful sunrise!  There are benefits to being a morning person I suppose, but sadly I work nights and only see these things by chance. 
I finally pulled myself out of my miasma last night and went over my friends house who my family is sharing Thanksgiving with, and injected 3 of the turkeys that I will deep fry for today meal.  It's our contribution to the dinner. AND I make my own fancy-ass marinade that has pretty much every spice in it but cilantro (which I loathe and wouldn't be fitting here even if I did like it)  After I made a big ol' quart of this fancy marinade I injected the three turkeys while my friend kept me company and watched my bizarre and willy-nilly way of concocting the marinade that also includes fruit juices and whiskey.  The injecting went quite well up until almost the last moment of the last turkey when I ended up squirting myself in the eye (the hot sauce in there stings!!) instead of getting it in the bird!  But I am excited about how they will taste today when we deep fry them. They've had 12 hours minimum to marinade so that should be pretty yummy when I take them out of the deep fryer pot. 
I've fried me many a turkey and have never burned myself (other than a bit of spattered oil here and there) nor burned down the house, garage, etc., but I have had more people tell me to be careful the last time I did one that I wanted to bop them on the head. As if I'd just fallen off the turnip truck!  I guess northern men aren't used to women playing with fire. (giggle, snort, grin) Or at least not with 5 gallons of peanut oil to play with it with!

The funny thing is that folks up North here DO burn themselves and burn down their garages! While no one in the South, no matter how drunk we are when we are doin' 'em, ever does.  I guess every culture has their innate gift. 
My first time doing a deep fried Turkey up here in the North by myself was on the porch of my City Island apt.  for my then boyfriend and his friends from back home in England.  There was snow outside, but if anything went wrong I was only about 50ft from the bay so I could easily deal with any disasters. The first turkey was fantastic!  The second" Well... not so much.  I didn't wait until the peanut oil got back up to 350 degrees so the bird never got seared/sealed by the oil.  I kept checking it cause it never floated to the top and couldn't understand why it didn't look right.  The last time I tried to pick it up it just fell all to pieces back into the oil.  EWWW!  Deep Fried Turkeys are actually not oil at all the heat instantly sears the bird so that no oil gets into the meat during frying (if you do it right) and it seals in the juices so it's very very delicious!  That turkey that fell apart ended up sitting in the pot for most of the winter. As soon as it got warm enough to actually get the oil to soften up a little I dumped the sludgy mixture into 5-6 plastic bags and into a box closed up nice and tight so that it could go to the dump.  It had been too frozen to dispose of that winter and being frozen didn't smell thank goodness!  But I'll never forget the lesson learned about deep frying and proper temperatures! 

May everyone have a wonderful Thanksgiving and remember all they have to be thankful for.

Gratitude continued.

I started listing things I am grateful for last month and found a sight from a friend http://www.gratitudechallenge.com/ which is a challenge to list daily for 21 days things that you are grateful for and I joined it today.  Being someone who battles with depression I've been told that one of the ways that helps to put a dent into it is to daily remember what it is that you are grateful for before you go to bed or write it down regularly so that you start conditioning yourself to see the good instead of the negative.  I am guilty of being too negative about myself where I would not let someone else say the things to me that I say to myself.  Weird, huh?
Another thing that has been very effectual in giving me insight to those things in my head and my heart has been listening to Mother Night by Clarissa Pinkola Estes.  Which I highly recommend as a way to look at how to look at life and fix the broken parts. She's a wonderful reading voice, too!  http://www.soundstrue.com/authors/Clarissa_Pinkola_Estes/  She also wrote a book called Women Who Run with Wolves which I've yet to read but look forward to greatly. Or you can find her on www.Amazon.com or www.Audible.com 

Pumpkin is quite irritated with me for putting that little bit of anti-flea and tick stuff on the back of his neck. I've to to sneak up on him to do it and then he is convinced I'm trying to kill him instead of making him feel better.  He's now slinking around the house trying to avoid me as I've suddenly turned evil again after being nothing but indulgent to him for 3.5 years.  I love these cats and I guess I 'own' them as much as cats can be owned, but compared to my Simpkin I had for 18 years, damn they are dumb!  But lord knows they are very good hunters!  I've got to give them that!
Happy Thanksgiving!  I've got to make marinade tomorrow and inject 4 Turkeys to deep fry tomorrow! 

Disappointment and Gratitude.

After sleeping through 4.5 days, my body decided that it was FINALLY going to let me stay awake and get on with life and work.  And after 5 days without any human contact and a great deal of feline contact mostly in vying for my own bit of room on the 'full' sized mattress I returned to work where I got less than stellar human contact and dim fluorescent lighting.  My co-workers are all married, and either with child or already have them running around breaking things in the home.  In the next few months two of my co-workers will have left on maternity leave.  Leaving a whole two other women in the department who already have children.  Even the men are married with children or homeowners who are going to get married and have children.  I seem to be odd man out and so have no real basis of comparison it seems since I don't want to argue with those who can't see it about why Sarah Palin is a moron or hear why so and so on such and such a team just made or broke their fantasy ball team - bores the crap out of me.  But I digress. Needless to say work is a bit like being all alone in a crowd these days. I don't want to get in on the negativity about management, it's all been said and nothing done, and I don't cherish being reminded I've got nothing in common with my co-workers anymore when I used to have lots, or at least something I could talk about besides being in pain and being cheesed about it.  I generally try and keep my headphones on, listen to books and do my job the best I can.  But this is not much of a life.
After a less than satisfactory Doctor's visit today I was told even back surgery wouldn't stop the pain in my legs that makes me want to climb the walls using my finger nails. Lately the pain is more than the 'patch' and the pain killers for 'break through pain' can handle.  Sadly, I know why people with chronic pain go insane and do stupid things.  I figured that surgery on those bottom herniations would relieve some of that leg pain and I could maybe get much more of my life back where I could do the things I used to when I wasn't having a Lupus,  Fibromyalgia, or Sjogren's flare up.  Taking more drugs isn't working for me. I hate it as I can't think clearly without...MORE drugs and I hate taking them as they make me fat, slow, tired, and clench my jaw very hard where I give myself a headache and that's all just to get out of bed in the morning.
Now, my dad is one of the most 'calm and at peace with himself, and his God' type people I've ever known of or seen.  His advice to me is to pray and to be constantly grateful which you forget when you're kicking, crying, and flailing about like a 3 year old having a tantrum, or being the subject of an exorcism, just to try and get some relief to the pain in your legs. The entire bottom half of your body's muscles have seized up so tight that you could play those muscles like a banjo if there wasn't all the other stuff in the way. These spasms feel sort of like when you hit your funny bone very hard but find nothing funny about that weird pain.  Problem is this leg pain doesn't go away in a few seconds, it makes itself comfortable and waits up for the late late show.  I've always had an amazing tolerance to pain, but this pain turns me into a crazed idiot, and I'm the first to admit it.  Breaking bones doesn't hurt the same way and doesn't last as long. 
So how do you remember in the midst of all that to be grateful?  Well, that's the lesson I'm trying to learn.
So maybe now I'll start a list of the things I am grateful for and maybe try and put it somewhere I can look at it a bit more often than I do my blog.

Things to Be Grateful for
1  My parents.  They are not only still living but healthier than I am.  While I am adopted I could not be any more their child than I already am.  Especially my dad, we are so obviously cut from the same cloth, though I'm an odd mix of my parents who are quite polar opposites of each other.

2. Living in the USA - I see how women in other countries have it and I've never been so grateful to have my freedom to be who I am and do what I wish.

3. Ability to support myself and keep a roof over my head and a car in the drive.  I wish I were more so so I could help my family and others more and not live from pay check to pay check - hey, I LIVED for a few years and now I'm glad I did or I'd have missed out.

4.  Sense of humor. If you can't laugh, you are a sour dried up useless person.  laugh at yourself and anything you can find as long as you're not hurting someone to do it.  Or at least pay them for their trouble.

5. My education.

6. My friends. I'm as rich in friends, though they be far away or on different work schedules. I really got lucky to know some wonderful people.

7. Nature.  I love the beauty this is in the most simple leaf. Put it all together and it's mind blowing.

8. Men.  God, I love 'em.  My grandmother once asked me if I was gay.  She figured since I drove a pick-up and went diving with all men that I was gay and said, " You do like men...DON"T YOU????"  I told her I had a hard time keeping my hands off them in the subway.  This both alarmed her and eased her mind.  Quid pro quo, in a way.
And I do so miss the company of men like back in my old diving days when we'd all go out and get stupid after diving. It's not for the physical/romantic I like them so much (though that sure is great!), I just love their company - So much more fun and adventuresome than talking about shoes and fingernail color.
9. Cats. what an amazing a perfect beast a cat is.  I still need homes for my guys as 4 cats and one sick woman in a 250 sq. foot apt. it too much and I'm sort of a one cat woman.  My last baby I had 18 years and I'm still not over losing him but I'm grateful I had his companionship and love. We didn't look a like, but we sure thought alike!
10. Curiosity.  When you stop wondering, you stop learning. Then you're basically just using up good air.
11. fast cars.  I love sports cars and going fast. Now, if I could just do without all the tickets!!
12. living on wetlands. Sure, I argue with raccoons over their strolling into my house with their dirty pond muck feet stinking and messing up the place uninvited. I don't go in THEIR den do I? But the quiet, the wind, the bird songs and being at one with my little bit of nature away from all that is the city and humanity is wonderful when I have it to myself.  Sure the mosquitoes are hell in the summer, but it's beautiful to see sunrises, sunsets and all those stars!!  In winter I can build a fire outside and enjoy the night. Folks who only know buildings, concrete and mechanical noise don't know what beauty there is in nature.  It's wild.
 13. Sailing. Between a few friends and teaching myself by single handing,  I have found a passion for sailing that is up there with the best of things in life!  I had my own 25 ft. Sailboat I bought cheap off an old boyfriend who was desperate to get rid of it and it was the best purchase other than my old Spider, I'd ever made! not only did I find a passion that still sings in me and has since I was young, but I know that if I have a boat, I'll always have a home even if it is smaller than this place! I will get another sailboat before it's all said and done.  I also met lots of people sailing who played wonderful parts in my life, but I realized I had a real knack for the sea and I gained a lot of confidence in myself and abilities learning how to sail that boat all by myself.  It was pure heaven.
14. New Orleans. It'll always be my home though home is a place I'm a bit shaky on in this world.  For all its problems it's still an incredible place filled with people like no where else in the world.  And as messed up as it is, I'll always take me back with open arms and we'll muddle through it together somehow.

Okay, with that thought in mind, I"m going to hit the hay and try again tomorrow. This list is to be continued.

Be well all!

Art?

The start of my swirl design images. Sort of meditative to do!

This is a close up segment of another drawing

Here's one of the drawings I've been working on.  I've been trying to exercise a little creativity since I've become less active in outside endeavors.

Trying to practice what is preached.

I've been going to church with my dad on Sundays. I'm not particularly a church goer though I have nothing against it in general. It's been a time I get to spend with my dad that is very relaxed as we go for a bite to eat at a diner afterwards. The hardest part of it is getting up to be there for 10:30. I work nights and with exhaustion from Lupus/Fibromyalgia it is a challenge since getting to work is an even bigger one.

People getting together to worship and honor the Maker is a fine idea. When they start getting bogged down with dogma and comparing themselves with others is when I start taking umbrage with it. self-righteous behavior is extremely distasteful with me since we all fall short of the glory which is God. If you start pointing out differences between yourself and others and looking down on them for it, you are no longer 'loving your neighbor as yourself' since you're basically being a judgmental ass instead. Doesn't the good book say to judge not least ye be judged? It might behoove a few church goers in this world to actually read the Bible as a whole book and specifically the words of Jesus before they start pointin' fingers and getting all puffed up about how they're better than another. If they actually read the words of Jesus he specifically speaks out against such behavior and I often have to remind myself of that when I'm being critical of others or shout at another driver to discover his 'fucking turn signals' on his car. I know I have a long way to go.

I've found the messages of Buddhism to have almost the identical messages of Christianity. In fact all the major religions have basically a similar message but with slightly different points of view and a few rules that are specific to themselves but not necessarily the word of God. When all these religions fight, they are fighting over how each perceives the same God. Allah and God are the same thing. It always strikes me as two fleas arguing over what a dog is.

The "Ten Grave Precepts' of Buddhism are as follows

1 Do not kill
2 Do not steal
3 Honor the body - don't misuse sexuality
4 Don't cloud the mind (for example don't walk around drunk or stoned all the time)
5 Do not lie
6 Don't speak ill of others faults or mistakes. Don't gossip
7 Don't elevate yourself and blame others
8 Give generously. Do not be withholding
9 Do not be Angry
10 Do not defile the three treasure: Buddha, Dharma, and the Sanga.

Basically it's very much like the Ten Commandments.

We are all alike more than we know. When we move to find what is alike with someone we will be surprised to see how much there is. Differences aren't as great as we think they are.

While I don't think I'll be joining my father's Church any time soon, but I will enjoy the time I get to spend with him there and after having a bite to eat.

Stage fright

I spent the weekend with my folks at a convention for those in a specific branch of the art world. This would normally be a laid back affair where I'd be enjoying myself but relatively indifferent. The difference THIS time was that I got to actually speak. I wasn't the main speaker of course, but help him in a secondary roll. He was there to talk about his work and I acted as a kind of interviewer and a time keeper, but I also got to tell a few jokes of my own on him and that was so satisfying after all the tricks he's played on me over the years! And much to my surprise I got laughs at the jokes I made despite it's my Dad who's the funny one. We are both a little bit too easily distracted and tend to either hyper focus or go off on tangents so it was my job to help him cover the desired material somewhat fluidly and cue him during awkward silences or on forgotten details. Considering we had no time to practice and the format changed on us at the last minute, all went well. Many folks came up to me saying how much they enjoyed our presentation. While this flattered me greatly, I was a bit worried as I didn't want to take away from my dad's moment.

They say public speaking is more stressful that moving, job loss and divorce. Maybe it's my natural inclination to be a clown and make people laugh (runs in the family), but I don't find it all that hard. Sure it is a stressful (especially when we aren't prepared!) but it's far from the stress of some of life's other trials. Or maybe I've just reached a point in my life that I"m not so concerned about being a fool.

That night we sat at the Table of the president of the organization, and his family. We chatted a little but his anxiety was quite obvious as the other couple who was supposed to be sitting out our table were over 40 minutes late and when they showed up I thought it was going to be nice to have someone to talk to as the conversation around the table had been a bit forced especially over the loud music and no one was to my left and my dad was to my right. However the man who sat down next to me immediately started talking to the President and said nary a word to me. Okay, I don't expect people to kiss my hand and chat me up all night - though it would be awfully nice - but it's bad manners to ignore the person next to you and not say a word to them nor introduce themselves! I was snubbed by someone I didn't know and who'd never met me either! I guess I"m a real fuddy duddy when it comes to manners, etc. but I thought it was beyond the pale! Beyond being rude! I had even showered so I have no idea what the problem was! Why have manners and common courtesy disappeared? What happened to them? I had hoped to run into them the next day to say, "Hey it was such a pleasure sitting next to you last night, I had a really wonderful conversation with you." But alas, I didn't see him and I'm trying not to be a total dick in case these are people my folks have to deal with at some other point. But what a WANKER!

Other than that, we met lots of fantastic people who were extremely warm and for the first time in my experience with people in the North East, we found the entire staff of the Hyatt, in New Jersey on the Hudson over looking Manhattan, to be the friendliest and warmest people I've ever met in the service industry in my life outside of New Orleans! AND it didn't seem like it was forced! I was bowled over! I'm so used to surly workers in most businesses being impatient with you and annoyed that you've bothered them when they were at their job, yet their job is to be bothered by the likes of folks such as myself. Coming from New Orleans this was never clearer than when I first went to the Duane Reade Drug Stores in NYC. The folks behind the counter would frown at you and be quite chuffed that you were bothering them. Since they didn't want you to take the items out of the store for free and were actually standing at the registers, I was a little confused how I'd pissed them off so grandly. How dare I buy a toothbrush when they'd rather be on a break! The nerve of me! I have actually changed my route to work because of poor service. I was going to a Dunkin' Donuts that was on my usual way to work however the girl there who sees me 3-4 days a week for the last 5 months never acknowledges me and rarely get the order correct that I've ordered the exact same way for the previous 4 month. Plus they could be doing something behind the counter (often on a cell phone) and while I'm the only one there they never say, "Hey, I'll be right with you in just a moment." I worked bartending and service industry jobs for over 10 years and I know how hard it is, but I also know a snotty attitude and I've never given them a hard time always said hello. please and thank you.etc and left money in the tip cup. So I am now driving a different way to go to another D.Donuts where they are quicker (despite more people on line) and much more polite. When did I turn into such an old curmudgeon?? I'm like that weird old woman who lives with too many cats and threatens all the kids in the neighborhood and won't give them their ball back when it comes into my yard. Okay, I'm not done that YET, but I fear it is merely a matter of time.

I think the loss of civility and common courtesy is the sign of a society in decline. When we become a nation of selfish individuals who are only concerned for themselves and never for the community as a whole, we all suffer. Eventually something has to break. But I"ll save the discussion of politics for another time. And I need to educate myself more on what's really going on. Not just listen to some talking head's opinion and accept it as gospel which is the common trend of the day.

It's so time for me to move back to the south were people are so friendly you gotta pry them off with a crowbar half the time. Or maybe I need not to have such a big pole up my ass. Though we've all got pet peeves, right? What's yours?

MIA

Yes, I've been off the grid, but in that time I've managed to make some decisions and that's always good! I have decided after a visit home to New Orleans that it is time to move back. Now, all I have to do is figure out how! Hopefully it will be before the Winter Solstice and I can enjoy a very mild Southern winter and get my mojo back.

New Orleans is a special place and anyone who's ever spent any time there outside of Bourbon St. and the French Qrt. will know this to be true. Ain't nothing else like livin' on the bayou!

Now all I have to do is figure out how to find homes for my beautiful loving no-longer-feral cats. I am tempted to take Kagome' with me as he's sort of glued himself to me and is just the quintessential love bug! But he's also a tad skittish and living with two dogs, 5 chickens, a cat strange to him and two horses not to mention a lot of them scary two legged things might just freak him out seriously! But I think he'd like to stay with me as both he and Fleur have rarely left my side since returning to NY. Go figure.